Thoughts to Ponder...

Just when my life finally looks together, I somehow find a way to stress myself out. Sure, I got one of a very select few places at Cambridge. For the girl who has never used a passport, it should excite me, motivate me, brighten my day (or year). I worked hard for it.

Instead, the week has been stressful. Even with a beautiful, calming Christmas tree, and fantastic candles from Bendel's, I am unhappy. Why?

Since the blog is private, I can admit that I suffer from a small amount of depression/anxiety. So even with every calming ritual, and pill on this earth, I stress. About what? well, Cambridge is far away. I still am awaiting the college I will be at (got into the university, but now awaiting where I will be living, and the types of accommodations). I have the GRE Friday which I TOTALLY dropped the ball on (i.e. haven't studied in two weeks!), and have spent almost every evening out in the past few weeks spending too much money on dinners, and too little time relaxing at home.

So what should be the greatest week of my life...has been one of UTTER stress, and unhappiness...

I am going to close my eyes...and listen to Kipling (always makes me feel better, as it did my grandfather...).


If

If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you;
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too;
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or, being lied about, don't deal in lies,
Or, being hated, don't give way to hating,
And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise;

If you can dream - and not make dreams your master;
If you can think - and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with triumph and disaster
And treat those two imposters just the same;
If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to broken,
And stoop and build 'em up with wornout tools;

If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breath a word about your loss;
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: "Hold on";

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with kings - nor lose the common touch;
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you;
If all men count with you, but none too much;
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds' worth of distance run -
Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,
And - which is more - you'll be a Man my son!